I AM a woman, and like most women out there, (and men?), I believe in that person who will waltz into our lives when we least expect it and just set our hearts on fire - the person who will make us believe in being loved and loving someone truly, madly and deeply. We may even start to believe in a soulmate.
Now please, as much as I revert to live in the world of fantasy, I need realism to survive. Please don't call me a pessimist. There is such a stark contrast between fantasy love and realistic love. I am a woman who has come to realize and appreciate the fact that there is a whole lot more to love than finding a soulmate and best friend in the one we love.
I will assume that at one point or another in our life time, be it a man or woman, we once bought into the fantasy of love where everything ended with "happy ever after". We all bought into the story that one day, there will come along a man or woman, who will pass the test, meet every one of the prerequisites we have on our list and make our fantasy complete.
Why do I keep calling it a fantasy? After all, that’s what happens in the movies. Well, I call it a fantasy because that is what it is, plain and simple. I may sound like a woman scorned, who has had her heart broken. Yes, my heart has been broken a few times and maybe I have broken a heart or two. But the woman scorned part, is non- existent. I am just a woman who has learned that love between a man and a woman can be as easy as it can be complicated. Love, like life, is never black and white. There are many shades of greys, purples, reds and many other colours. It is never black and white.
I believe that every person in life will fall in love once, or many times over. And, when we fall in love, we should never assume anything. So often we find new love and we assume that loving someone means we should completely lose ourselves in love. We never stop to think that we may end up completely losing ourselves and our ways to the point where we cannot find our way back.
Too often we think that when we love, the singular ceases to exist and it's all the other person and the plural "us". We automatically think that the "we" that exists means that now, every minute should be spent with each other. What we don't realize is that the singular is a very important source of survival for us.
We should come to understand that loving someone does not mean we surrender who and what we are .We should never put ourselves in a spot where we give every ounce of what we are to a point where we have nothing left to nourish our own individuality. It is true that love is giving but it does not mean we should leave our storage empty. I feel the mistakes that we make as people are rooted in us forgetting that it all begins with the individual.
We abandon the reality that love is about complementing each other and not creating each other. Love is about two individuals who make a great team. Two people who can have a difference of opinion and yet create brilliance together.
Loving does not mean I will stop liking ice-cream and take on milkshakes just because you like milkshakes and I want to make you happy. Love is liking ice-cream but also discovering why you like milkshakes. Loving is knowing that we are both individuals, who have a right to freedom but are also accountable to each other, not because its the law but because there is a bond of partnership.
Love is about you and me being who we are, no impressions or pretence. No lies or malice. Just two pieces trying to make the puzzle whole. There is more to love than fantasy and butterflies in our stomachs. Love is two people enhancing each other in a million and one ways.
Love is about knowing that everyday is not going to be sunny. That there will be rain and clouds but seven times out of ten, there sun will shine brilliantly. Love is aware that we will be pushed to the limits, we may even hang over a cliff. But we will push back and climb our way to the top.
We should realize that our heart could be broken by the one we love, but it may not always mean that they don't love use anymore. We should know that love is not the fantasy we want it to be but is also the great experience that two people will create, the good, the bad and everything in between.
There is a reality to love that will scare us as much as it will dare us to believe in ourselves and each other. Love is the only four letter word that can make you sick for days and joyful for years.
Love is you and me, holding on to what we feel in our hearts and beating the odds. There is no fantasy here, just a reality.
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Changamire Dombo • ChangamireDombo@rocketmail.com Subject: You Too Are A Star, Omuhle. Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:49:26 • Thanks for the compliment Omuhle.
The way you put that across makes you a STAR too.
Pity I can't go away without saying a little more.
It is said that the first up-side down cake was baked by a woman (up-side down too!) head-over-heels in love.
And, there is not a single man in love who is still normal. As Dearest Love rushes through the front door, Cautious Intelligence flies out through the nearest window.
Evidence, Bob auraya nyika achipuruzirwa naGrace! Take that with a pinch of ... (It's not on the shelf!)
Lastly, silver thread and golden needles cannot mend this heart of mine for some broken hearts can never mend.
Omuhle • n/a Subject: n/a Tue, 05 Aug 2008 12:31:57 • Nice one Dombo. Brings back memories and so very true. You've stolen Rumbi's thunder but her piece was brilliant. She takes away some of the stress, you know. For just a moment you forget it all and your eyes widen as you read her words and picture your own unique situation and then reality kicks in and you get back to work.
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